


I feel like a monster

by yellowpretendingtobered



Series: (You Drive Me) Crazy [14]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Best Friends, F/M, Heartbreak, Pining Oliver, Valentine's Day, bamf Felicity, sweet oliver
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-05-02
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:38:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpretendingtobered/pseuds/yellowpretendingtobered
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Felicity Smoak is livid. </p><p>And when Felicity becomes angry, she becomes a hybrid; the love child of the Hulk and a chupacabra. </p><p>It was awoken as she viewed the twisted scene in the apartment. Right now it's locked up in its cage, pacing agitatedly back and forth around the perimeter of the bars. Growling softly.</p><p>It isn't pretty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flipflops](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flipflops/gifts).



> This is for flipflops she is so completely amazing. If you aren't reading her story Take her, Keep her, Make her yours then you aren't living. 
> 
> I asked for her most awkward moment and the reply: Mine was on Valentines Day I was going to give my then bf breakfast in bed and found him already occupied with my sorority little sister...yeah..awesome Valentine's Day. THEN she wore the shirt I gave him for Christmas to class...needless to say she did NOT wear it home...
> 
> I hope this is good enough :)

* The secret side of me, I'll never let you see,   
I keep it caged but I can't control it*

One step. Two steps. Left foot. Right. Breath in. Let it out. Do it again. Keep it together. Don't lose your shit. 

All of this passed repeatedly through Felicity's mind while she walked down the sidewalk as she put more and more distance between herself and the small apartment building that she was currently debating setting ablaze. 

* So stay away from me, the beast is ugly.  
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it*

People milled around along the sidewalk. A heavy set brunette woman held a small blonde close on her hip, smiling at the small child while waiting at the bus stop across the street. 

A redheaded man is passing by on his bicycle, backpack firmly held to his back as he weaves through the traffic headed downstreet. Likely headed toward the campus.

A petite blonde with a black sun hat is standing just in front of Felicity. Her left hand outstretched to haul the next taxi daring to drive by, while her right hand clutched her purse closer to her jean clad leg.

Some people are waiting for a cab. For their mothers. For their friends. Some even waiting for their lovers. 

She didn't have one of those anymore. He'd betrayed her. Taken her feelings, her love, dropped it into a vat of dry ice, to freeze and preserve it, before throwing it with impressive force into a brick wall. 

She is feeling so much more than sad and hurt. 

Felicity Smoak is livid. 

And when Felicity becomes angry, she becomes a hybrid; the love child of the Hulk and a chupacabra. 

It was awoken as she viewed the twisted scene in the apartment. Right now it's locked up in its cage, pacing agitatedly back and forth around the perimeter of the bars. Growling softly.

It isn't pretty.

* It's scratchin' on the walls, in the closet, in the halls.

It comes awake and I can't control it.

Hidin' under the bed, in my body, in my head.

Why won't somebody come and save me from this?

Make it end*

How cold he do this? And on Valentine's day of all days! 

Only half an hour ago Felicity had felt good about getting up early to make breakfast for her boyfriend (his favorite breakfast), take a bus twenty minutes to his apartment off campus, and surprise him in bed. 

Now she felt like a fool. Because when she'd used the key that he'd gifted her for their first anniversary, Felicity found him in bed. Like she'd planned.

However she hadn't planned to see Stacy, her sorority little sister, underneath him. Begging for more. 

And Ray was only too happy to answer her request. 

With all of the strength she could muster, the blue-eyed blonde walked back to the front door and left the way that she'd come in. Shock making her silent. 

* I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin*

Felicity has now managed to make it back to campus without incident. She even managed to hold her tongue when some perv in a button down starfish shirt stood so close to her that she nearly molested him by accident. 

It's okay though. She doesn't need that tool box, Ray Palmer, anyway, she told herself. He snores like a monster truck, leaves the toilet seat up, and never cleans his bathroom. She is better off without him. 

Even though he'd been so sweet their entire relationship. A relationship that began two years ago. How long had he been cheating? And with how many women?

This line of thinking isn't doing her any favors. Her blood begins to run hot under her skin again. Skin that now feels itchy and dirty. Had he been touching other women while touching her?

Her mind skids to a stop suddenly, like the brakes of a rusty bike. Suddenly she can see nothing but red. Specifically, the red shirt that she'd bought him for Christmas not two months ago. But it wasn't Ray who had walked into her astronomy class. 

It was Stacy. 

Wearing his shirt. 

The shirt Felicity bought him with love.

The monster inside of her snarls. Jaws against the bars trying to fight its way out. To reclaim what belongs to her.

* I must confess that I feel like a monster*

Without a single thought Felicity let her monster love child gain another foot of space inside of her mind. It jumps to attention. 

The black desk flipped completely as the blonde tossed it over, jumping from its confines, "You're fucking shitting me!" She yells once on her feet. 

She pays no attention to the startled students surrounding her who had been patiently waiting for the class to begin. Nor does she care when some of them stand to step away from her and the scene that she is in the middle of making.

Stacy startles at the shout. "Excuse me?"

"Where did you get that shirt?" Felicity lets the question fall from her magenta colored lips. Blue eyes glare at the brunette in front of her. If Stacy lies all bets are off, because Felicity can't control her monster anymore.

"This old thing...?" She muses warily.

And that was the wrong answer. 

Felicity opens the cage.

* It's hidin in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp,

There's no escape for me,

It wants my soul, it wants my heart.

No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream, 

Maybe it's inside of me.

Stop this monster*

 

"Is this seat taken?" 

Felicity looked up from her seat. Her face stung a little but she spared him a small smile anyway. She could always find a smile in her when it came to him, merely waving a hand in the general direction of the chair next to her. 

She didn't say anything when she heard Oliver let out a hiss upon noticing her rumpled appearance. His strong hand gently caressed her red cheek, marked by Stacy's fury. Felicity tried to ignore the way that this simple, tender gesture had her beast purring softly back inside its cage.

"What happened? Was this Ray?!" He demanded after a second. 

Oliver has been her friend since freshman year of high school. He'd been her closest confidante since he'd knocked heads with her as they'd turned a corner, neither watching where they were going. Oliver had never liked Ray. 

"I swear to God that if he touched you I will kill him with my bare hands. And don't think for a second that Dig won't help me burn the body,"

Despite herself, Felicity smiled a wide grin. Her blue-eyed best friend always knew the best way to calm her down. She straightened out the ripped lapel of the blazer she'd worn today. Her eyes slid from Oliver's to the table that seems to be constantly sticky. She couldn't look at his face while she confessed.

"Ray didn't touch me-" she began.

"Then what-?"

"He touched Stacy. I went to his apartment this morning and he was with Stacy. In bed. In the bed that he'd shared with me," her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill across her rumpled sky blue blouse. "How many..." she bit back a sob, "how many women has he had there when he was supposed to be with me? Is there something wrong with me?" She sobbed, allowing the dam to flow.

Oliver pulled his best friend into his lap to hold her while she cried. He smoothed his hands down her hair in comfort. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're perfect," he voiced earnestly. 

"Then why wasn't I enough?" She whispered into the juncture of his neck and shoulder.

He wants to tell her everything amazing that he sees in her. The future he wants them to have because he's completely and utterly in love with her. Has been for years. He wants to say how much it killed him to see her with Ray. But she isn't ready to hear any of that yet.

"Let's go back to my house, okay? We can watch as many dorky shows as your perfect little nerd heart can handle," he smiled softly into her hair as it nodded in affirmation. 

He raises Felicity's bag off of the table to carry to his car. He can feel himself grimace at the weight of it, wondering how such a small woman had carried it all day.

"What's in here? Are you going to build yourself a library with all the bricks in here?" He teased.

"Ha ha," she said sarcastically wiping her eyes. "It's my books, plus the breakfast I made and the other stuff I keep in my purse,"

An item fell from the over stuffed top of her bag. Oliver picks it up, furrowing his brow in confusion. He remembers helping Felicity shop for this when she had needed a present for Ray. 

"What's this doing here?" He asks. 

A mischievous smile crosses her beautiful face when she sees what he's holding. 

"Stacy had the nerve to wear it to class today," she turned back around to walk to the door. "She isn't wearing it anymore"

Oliver can only stare stunned for a moment. He's been in love with Felicity since sophomore year of high school. Her brilliant mind and quick wit. Her compassion and capacity for kindness never ceases to amaze him. But he's never been as in love with her as he is right now. 

He knows that he'll have to wait until she is over that tool box, Ray, but he isn't sure he can keep the animal inside at bay. 

Right now he feels on the edge of losing control. 

*I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin...

I'm gonna lose control, it's something radical, 

I must confess that I feel like a monster*


	2. Save Me from this Death Inside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Felicity realizes she has the same feelings as when we left Oliver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse the fact that I was too excited to post and I didn't read through to proofread. I'll fix it later. Probably.
> 
> Enjoy :)
> 
> Also, the song is Dead Inside by Skillet. They have an acoustic version and I love it.

*To find this love of mine, I'd walk through, Wind and fire, Forever and always*

Forever seems like an insane idea. 

To be with someone on such a deep level that even when there is no one else in this world, when not even you inhabit this world, you're still connected. 

Through the ether two souls remain together; an endless dance of light and fire.

The notion that passion never ends. 

The feeling of wholly complete enrapturing the soul and body from inside, bleeding through every possible atom of matter.

Felicity thought the idea was stupid. An impossible feat. Attainable only by those desperately wishing to feel it. 

This is probably because she hadn't felt it then.

*These hollow hands reach out, For you to touch me now, Forever and always*

Now that she can feel it--this all encompassing felling-- her heart wishes desperately to beat out of her chest. She wants to sprint to the roof of this building, shooting from atop the twenty story perch, "Felicity Smoak has found her soul mate!"

*Dead inside. My heart and soul flatlines, Put your mouth on mine, And bring me back to life*

She has never been more sure of anything. 

Walking down this halfway feels like a slow motion love scene. Feet slowly drag underweight her body as they carry her toward the door that will change her life forever.

The outcome of this confession will decide the fate of her life. She knows for certain that she will never love anyone the way that she loves him. 

She never has before. And she never will again.

*Dead inside. No other satisfies, My blood runs dry, Take my life, Save me from this death inside*

But, what if he doesn't feel the same way? How would she deal with the rejection?

Those same feet falter in their movement. This was a mistake. Halfway between her apartment door and his, her blonde hair flutters around her face, bobbing as she quietly jerks her head in a sideways motion, as if scolding herself. 

How could she be stupid enough to do this? Telling him would ruin everything. They've been the best of friends for almost seven years. And even that fact alone is a miracle. There is no way that someone as beautiful, witty, and so completely filled with light could ever love someone like her. 

Someone who is ruled by emotions. Someone who is sometimes susceptible to allowing her monster to rule her actions.

Felicity Smoak may have found her soul mate, but they'll never be together.

*I can't escape this love, I want it the way it was, Forever and always*

Safely back in her apartment for the past ten minutes, beating herself up for such a rookie mistake, Felicity cranes her ear to the door at the sudden sound entering her apartment.

The sounds creep in through the cracks under the door; permeating her body with its melodious tune. Someone is playing acoustic guitar close by. The feelings that it emotes enrapture the blonde. 

When the voice begins to sing her heart pauses its beat before its crescendos. She knows that voice. And she knows that song. 

Throwing open the door, Oliver sits halfway between his apartment and her own. 

"Don't you leave me here, Alone in all this fear, Forever and always," 

Visions flutter through her mind of Oliver holding her tight as she cries. Oliver carrying her home after she fell asleep on their way back from their camping trip. Oliver making her laugh for the first time after her father died. Oliver always putting her pieces together after they fall apart, calming her monster. 

It was always Oliver.

"Put your mouth on mine, And bring me back to life," she sings along.

"Dead inside, No other satisfies, My blood runs dry, Take my life, Save me from this death inside," chorus the two voices. Each conveying everything that had been doubted by both. 

As the song ends Oliver places the guitar against the wall. Slowly he stands from the stool he'd been perched on. 

"I love you Felicity. I always have. You are the only one who can make me feel alive and I don't want to wake up another day without you there with me," Oliver says, earnest honesty shining in his green eyes.

"Oliver," Felicity scolds playfully, "you stole my speech," Her lips widen in a smile as she watched his do the same. "I love you, Oliver. More than anything,"

*I can't escape this love, I want it the way it was, You remind me of a time, When I felt alive*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like it. I honestly don't know where it came from, but shout out to flipflops who is still as amazing as when I wrote the first chapter. 
> 
> *whispers* I love her.

**Author's Note:**

> The song lyrics in between are from Monster by Skillet.


End file.
